Kept at a Distance: A Qualitative Study of Bereaved Individuals’ Experiences of How Death Was Addressed When Their Partner Died at Home

Open awareness and dialogue concerning dying are considered essential for planning and realizing death at home. Moreover, much help and support throughout the dying process and death trajectory are provided by a person’s next of kin, often a spouse or partner. To explore how death was addressed among couples when one of the partners had died at home, we interviewed 14 bereaved individuals. The results were grouped into the following themes: “Idea(l)s and realities of communication,” “Different kinds of talks,” and “Unspoken understandings and showing without talking.” We found that prevailing narratives about how death should be discussed in socially and culturally expected ways affected how the bereaved addressed the imminent death of their partner, both at the time and in their retrospective reflections. In a few cases, death had been talked about directly using words such as “death” and “dying,” although indirect or avoidant discussions about death were more common. The bereaved mentioned unspoken understandings about how it was unnecessary to address death—that is, one just knew. In cases where the couple could not share a silent understanding, the bereaved had experienced loneliness. Death could also be addressed through actions, such as becoming closer or the ill person arranging for an easier subsequent life for their partner. To reduce the expectations that dying people and their partners might have to interact in certain ways at the end of life, it is important to acknowledge that awareness of dying can be expressed and shared in various ways.