When does waiting for a reply turn into ghosting? Individual, relational, and situational predictors of feeling ignored in online messaging

Ghosting—the act of ending digital communication without explanation—is increasingly common. While prior research has largely focused on the motives for ghosting and the effects of being ghosted, little is known about when people start to feel ghosted. Understanding this threshold matters to determine at which point delayed replies require coping efforts. We introduce the concept of response delay tolerance: the amount of time someone is willing to wait for a response in online messaging before feeling ignored. We examine how individual traits (rejection sensitivity, fear of missing out, past online exclusion experiences), relational (relationship closeness), and situational factors (chat partner’s previous responsiveness, message urgency) shape delay tolerance. In a pre-registered two-part design, we first pretested ( N = 98, k = 2,352 ratings) closeness, responsiveness, and urgency in 36 chat scenarios. Then, participants ( N = 339, k = 8,136 ratings) reported the point at which they would begin to feel ignored in each scenario. Results show that both message urgency and chat partner’s prior responsiveness, but not closeness, predict shorter delay tolerance. Rejection sensitivity, fear of missing out, and past online exclusion experiences did not predict delay tolerance. Individuals with shorter delay tolerance are more likely to send friendly and confrontational follow-up messages, whereas those with longer tolerance are more inclined to also ignore the chat partner. These findings provide insights into the early, subjective detection of being ignored in digital contexts. They highlight that ghosting begins not with someone leaving but with someone waiting for a response. • response delay tolerance is the time until a user feels ignored in online messaging • urgent messages and chat partner’s previous fast replies shorten delay tolerance • delay tolerance predicts friendly, confrontational, and avoidant follow-up behavior • FOMO, rejection sensitivity, and ostracism experiences also predict users’ behavior • first study to show that the detection point of ghosting is shaped by context