Actual-ideal discrepancy and intention to change behavior on communication about conflict in close relationships: A within-person experiment

When people experience conflicts between their ideal standards and their partner’s actual state, they often resolve conflict through communication. Numerous observational studies suggest that direct regulation attempts (e.g., requesting one’s partner to change) are positively associated with the behavior change of the target partner. However, previous research using between-person and correlational designs has provided limited evidence. Moreover, the psychological components of partner regulation that affect targets’ intentions and behavior remain unclear. Therefore, we employed a within-person experimental paradigm to rigorously test targets’ psychological processes underlying interpersonal conflict resolution through communication. This focused on the discrepancy between targets’ actual states and requesters’ ideals. In the paradigm, we systematically manipulated targets’ perceived discrepancy. In our experiment (N = 78 couples), targets were asked to rate the actual frequency of 40–80 important actions, and requesters were asked to rate the ideal frequency of the targets’ actions. These actions were then randomly assigned to either the discrepancy feedback or no-feedback condition. Results showed that, in the feedback condition, discrepancies were positively associated with targets’ intentions to improve their behavior (but not with behavioral changes). These findings suggest that although people can facilitate their partners’ intention to change important actions by simply communicating their ideals, they must make additional efforts (e.g., suggesting a solution and promoting prospective memory) to get their partners to execute the intention. This study provides critical insight into the psychological process underlying conflict resolution in close relationships using a within-person experiment.