Good men need to be you dandang: negotiating masculinity in intimate relationships in contemporary China

This article examines Chinese young men’s negotiation of masculinity and male roles in intimate relationships. It addresses how masculine ideals are interpreted and lived out in young men’s experiences of relationships and marriage. Based on data generated through in-depth interviews, it argues that you dandang – being willing to shoulder responsibilities and capable of fulfilling male roles – is the key criterion of masculinity in the intimate sphere. This sentiment captures the complexity and nuances of intimate relationships in the Chinese context, which are imbued with traditional Confucian ethics but also subject to contemporary renegotiation. In order to align themselves with this masculine ideal, Chinese young men deploy different strategies in a reflexive and relational manner, embedded within their personal networks and wider social realities. While there are moments when the patriarchal gender order is questioned and challenged, Chinese men’s intimate experiences often reinstate traditional gender scripts and reinforce male authority.