Thank me! Seeking gratitude leads to interpersonal avoidance

Gratitude has long been found to enhance interpersonal relationships. However, we challenge this assumption by examining situations where benefactors may offer help but then seek gratitude from the beneficiary. In four studies, we explore such sought-gratitude and demonstrate that it increases beneficiaries’ avoidance mediated through their perception of the benefactor’s self-righteousness. In a pilot study, we first established the prevalence of sought-gratitude in everyday life. In Study 1, participants recalled real life instances of sought-gratitude and the results provided initial evidence of its effect on avoidance through perceived self-righteousness. Study 2 replicated the predicted mediation by ruling out felt indebtedness as an alternative explanation. Study 3, using a behavioral task, showed that this mediation was moderated by beneficiaries’ dispositional gratitude. These results contribute to a nuanced understanding of gratitude by shedding light on the phenomenon of sought-gratitude and its negative outcomes. We discuss theoretical and practical implications.