How remembering positive and negative events affects intimacy in romantic relationships

Previous studies provide some evidence that recalling positive autobiographical memories can foster feelings of intimacy in social relationships. The present research aimed to extend this finding by examining the effects of negative relationship memories on current feelings of intimacy. In Study 1, 71 adults recalled either two positive or two negative events experienced with their partner. Intimacy (feelings of warmth, relationship closeness) was measured before and after remembering. Relationship closeness increased after recalling positive relationship memories, whereas feelings of warmth were reduced after the recall of negative relationship memories. In Study 2, 187 adults recalled two relationship conflicts and rated intimacy toward their partner (feelings of warmth, relationship closeness) before and after remembering. Replicating the findings of Study 1, we found feelings of warmth to be reduced after the recall of relationship conflicts. Relationship closeness was likely to decrease the more conflicts were considered personally significant and the more a person had used self-distraction to regulate their emotions during the conflict. Future research may identify personal characteristics that could explain why, for some people, the recall of negative relationship memories is hurtful, whereas it brings others closer to their partner.